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BELLA PLANS TO GET RID OF TOBY FROM HER LIFE …..but GOD has other plans !

One day Bella was snoozing in the corner which was her usual habit when she heard that familiar bark. “ Oh ! No ! Toby is visiting again ! He is so boisterous! It’s not his fault, he is only two which in human years is fourteen . A teenager ! Ye gods ! His over active hormones are making him run around and bark and jump and he can’t stop.”

Bella looked up and saw Toby scampering in and sliding to stop when he spotted a ball.

“There he goes. Obsessing about balls all the time. So that’s his weakness. ⚽ 🏈 🏀 BALLS !

Now Bella may be a laid back dog but she is also very intelligent.  She knows that your enemies weakness can be made into your strength. So what do you think she did to keep Toby away from her ?

She took each and every ball and hid them in the laundry room. Now the laundry room is very small and really there is no place to hide anything, especially not balls of every shape and size. So there they were filling up the laundry room with Toby snuffling at them and nosing them around.

The help who had loads of laundry to do was getting quite irritated 😠  😣  😤 . Every time she came in with a load to wash there was Toby who is rather big, big enough to fill up the laundry room, going at his balls. The help was muttering and kicked out Toby’s balls. But when she got busy in the kitchen Bella would nose it back into the room. Sometimes she nosed one of balls into the kitchen so that Toby would scamper there and get in her way.

Soon the  help was fed up and started to complain to Bella’s owner. “ Too much disturbance, too much trouble, this “perro” ( dog 🐕 in Spanish ) too big. He make too much trouble. Me no work with this dog !”

Poor Toby. Bella was happy. Now she would have the house all to herself.

But then the children ( A & A ) were distressed. If Toby was banned from the house then Toby’s owner ( yes, unlike Bella who has assistants some dogs have owners ) who was the children’s friend ( another A ) would not be able to come so often. They prayed to DOG spelt backwards to help them.

Now Bella being Bella was also a very kind hearted dog and she did not like her assistants to be unhappy 🙁. So guess what she did ? Come on, take a guess !

She took each and every ball and nosed them into the garage every time the door leading to the garage would open. She only left a small blue ball for Toby to play with. Now Toby no longer had any interest  in the laundry room or the kitchen. He flapped his ears , wagged his tail and pounced on his blue ball.

FLAP, WAG AND POUNCE

 

 

 

 

 

TOBY AND BELLA ARE FRIENDS

 

 

 

Toby was happy, the children ( A & A ) and their friend ( A ) were happy and most important Bella and Toby were no longer enemies.

DOG spelt backwards is in his heaven

And all’s well with the world !

( This last sentence is from a very famous poet , Robert Browning . It goes like this :

The year’s at the spring

And day’s at the morn;

Morning’s at seven;

The hill-side’s dew-pearled;

The lark’s on the wing;

The snail’s on the thorn;

God’s in HIS heaven —

All’s right with the world.

In those days , sometime in 1800’s or so , people were quite happy looking at birds in the sky and snails on the ground . They didn’t need phones and video games to be happy. You should try it sometime !!

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BELLA BRINGS IT ON

Hello folks, I bet you are wondering where this dog diva has vanished. I have been away for a bit. No, not on a vacation unfortunately. I just had a massive writer’s block which just means I didn’t know what to write.

I kept wondering what brings on this situation which is particular to dogs and writers or dog writers. And then I realised it was brought on by disturbance and that caused me stress. I was going round and round chasing my own tail.

ROUND AND AROUND

 

 

 

 

Then I thought what was it that was causing this condition ? Could it be my diet ? I am eating dog food only and that is not a happy situation for a dog who has had a taste of human food once. They just can’t go back. But then, it’s not up to us , is it ?

Is it the environment ? I have been at the receiving end of a lot of unwanted attention recently. When it comes to company, I am very choosy. I like human company or dogs who are more human than dog which means they have to be civilized and well mannered and not boisterous.

 

Watch this and you don’t have to make any wild guesses as to the source of my angst ( angst means distressed 😩  in spirit – now you can use this word casually in a conversation and impress your mom and dad e.g . There is so much angst in me because  I can’t play video games for 14 hours ! Just kidding . Don’t play more than 13 hours ! Kidding again. Only what your parents  permit  you )

 

So that’s it. I have found the root of my disturbed state. It is Toby. He has become a frequent visitor and he is making me uncomfortable. He is just not my type. To add to my woes he has been slurping water from my bowl and crunching food from my plate without so much as by your leave.

TOBY TROUBLE

 

Okay, now that I have got to the root of my stress I am going to do something about it. Wait for my next post about ” Bella plans to get rid of Toby.” If you have read the story, “All about cats” where Bella was saved from the machinations of a wily cat by divine intervention then you know it’s not in a DOG’S hand/paw to save herself but in a DOG spelt backwards hand to help this dog !

( Of course, we all know that DOG spelt backwards helps those who help them selves. So let’s see if DOG spelt backwards will guide the intellect of this DOG with his shining knowledge ! )

LEAD KINDLY LIGHT …..

LEAD KINDLY LIGHT …

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Happy 😀 Independence 🇺🇸 Day ☀️! ( it will be happier if you could throw this dog diva a bone or better still , a sausage or two )

BELLA’S ANGST RIDDEN TIRADE !

IS THIS RIGHT ? IS THIS FAIR ? WHY ARE WE NOT INDEPENDENT ENOUGH TO DECIDE WHAT IS GOOD FOOD FOR US ! HOW DOES THE SLAVE ( YOU )DECIDE WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE MASTER / MISTRESS ( MOI )

All right folks, here is Bella, the dog diva pontificating about , ‘cabbages and kings and whether pigs have wings !’ Lewis Carroll, the fellow who wrote this gibberish was quite a genius wasn’t he ? And talking of nonsensical verse there is the inimitable Robbie Yates, check him out ! https://wp.me/P9q2s6-2

Now coming back to the subject of ‘whether pigs have wings ‘ is the related one about sausages. It’s Fourth of July and Barbecue day where sausages are floating around right in front of my eyes. But the question is, are all those floating sausages held by various humans of all shapes and sizes going to find their way into my mouth ? I have noticed when it comes to food the human kind are not very kind . I see them chomping away on various delicacies with nary a thought of their lord ( in this case lady aka moi ) and master waiting in the wings for a tidbit. And, if we are denied this delicacy why do you even call it hot dog !

And what’s all this nonsense about dogs should only have dog food !! It makes my blood boil . Who made these rules ? And why ? And why give us a taste if you are going to abruptly deny these privileges with some cockamamie reason like , ‘no wheat for the dog ‘ and ‘sugar makes her hair fall ‘ and ‘ Bella is putting on weight ‘

If that is the case then please look at yourself , humans . Why are you eating all that red meat ! And slathering those buns with butter and chugging down huge amounts of soda and topping it off with that brown looking sweet thing with that cold even sweeter mess on top ? ( Bella’s talking about Brownies with vanilla bean ice cream ) . This is hypocrisy carried to the extreme. But, I am not going to make an issue about it. After all its Independence Day and you are free to do what you want, even stuff your faces till you are ready to burst. Just don’t forget the dog waiting in the wings for her share of goodies too .

Happy Independence Day !

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HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY !
Photo by AMBIKA , the assistant who is the best tummy rubber, ball thrower, AND now the best dog 🐶 photographer ! Kudos kid !

MORE PHOTOS COMING UP AS SOON AS MY ASSISTANTS ARE READY TO TAKE THEM ( WHEN THEY CAN TEAR THEMSELVES AWAY FROM THE FOOD )

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BELLA FEELS THE HEAT WITH Sir Toby .

OMG ! OMG ! OMG ! There is a new body in my home and he is an absolute goofball ! He is goofy and he loves balls . That is all he wants in life. To run after balls . Big balls, small balls , blue balls , yellow balls . Just throw one and watch him go . Even flat balls will do , the ones that don’t roll , they look like flying saucers . ( Note from her assistant : I think Bella is talking about frisbees ) And talking of flying you should see this guy go ! This much energy is enough to drive me nuts ! As it is, and I think I may have mentioned it before, I am not the ‘gym and look at my lean body’ type but with this one around I too had to make an attempt to run for my keep or this guy , this goofball, was hogging all the attention. This is so demeaning but well, that’s life . I guess, there are no free lunches .

Well here’s a quick look at what my life has been ever since this Toby critter has entered my quiet, placid life and taken over and , to add insult to injury, he has taken away the attention of my devoted pack . Can’t wait for him to go !

Bella, moi , would like to thank Ambika in editing this movie . Besides, being an excellent tummy rubber , she is also a great ‘ball – thrower’ ( TOBY will vouch for that, I am sure ! )

BELLA BRINGS HER PINK BONE & MAKES A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO COMPETE WITH TOBY

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A HELPING HAND / PAW

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof …

I think by now you know the drill. Just keep woofing as you read the translation below , translated by the inimitable Dr. Ollie whose full name is written on the name plate on the tree. Why is the name plate on a tree, you may well ask. Well, it’s because he lives on a tree, and not in a house as we lucky denizens of the animal world do !

‘ PAWS ‘TO REFLECT …..

Though I am not sure who is the lucky one , us or the human whose home we get to live in. Because , all said and done for a meal a day , a few treats and a little bit of love we give back in spades .

Some of us are there to guard your home and hearth with our lives !

Taking us for a walk gives YOU exercise and keeps you fit.

Feeding and taking care of us gives YOU a routine and responsibilities ( especially important for children ! ) .

And, of course, with us around YOU can never get lonely. Your own flesh and bloood may desert you but not us . Humans can learn a thing or two about loyalty from us .

AWESOME ‘ PAW ‘ some !

We are there for the young and the fit and for the elderly, the sick, the disabled, ever ready to give a helping hand/paw .

See photo .

Bella, the dog diva , moi, is best for the helping hand / paw bit. If you have read my previous posts you probably realize that I am not the guard dog type ( too ‘’unfeminine’’ I say ) , exercise is also not my cup of tea except for an occasional run ( just for photo-ops ) but lounging , cuddling and holding hands , well, that’s right up my alley, actually, no, not alley , that’s for alley dogs , it’s right up my street , ummm not that too ; it’s my forte, my thing , my area of expertise.

‘ PAWS ‘ ABILITY

So if you are lonely or sick or tired of the worries and weight of the world come on over. I am there to hold your hand as best as I can . You know I have paws ! Not hands with opposable thumbs ! ( Read previous post ‘Why can’t monkeys write ?’ if you need full explanation )

All right then , here is Bella, the dog diva signing off .

P.S. Since life is a learning process why don’t you use your fingers and your opposable thumbs to hold a pencil and write down the actual word wherever I have written

in inverted commas .

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WHY CAN’T 🐒 MONKEYS WRITE ?🤪🤪

He is no monk, just monkeying around 🤪🤪🤪

 

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof!
Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof .
Woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof woof …… keep repeating for two minutes .

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PROFESSOR OLLIE

Translation by Professor Ollie who is a language specialist by virtue of the fact that he can never stop himself from asking the question ‘To wit, who ?’

I hope you have been practicing the Woof language in your spare time , it is a simple language really, you can’t ever make grammatical errors or spelling mistakes when you speak or write this language; of course , written only by those with opposable thumbs though I often wonder why monkeys don’t write ! They, too have opposable thumbs.

Perhaps , you can ask your teacher and figure that out after you have found out the meaning of opposable thumbs which all humans and monkeys have . Then you may understand the reason why we dogs can only speak / bark and not write ! Or peel a banana . Our paws are just not cut out for it.

Actually monkeys can do a lot because of their opposable thumbs. Take a look at the video ! Woof woof woof ( translated – ha ha ha ) . The problem is they can never do anything creative just make mischief ! Take a look . From the grandfather to the little baby !!! Check them out.

Bella, the dog diva signing off !

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WOOF LANGUAGE !

 

WOOF ! WOOF ! WOOF !
Translated – MIND YOUR LANGUAGE !

Woof woof woof , woof woof woof woof .
( repeat as many times as there are words below )

Living so long with humans has had a disastrous impact on my temperament. I almost forgot my doggy language ! After all your culture is ingrained in your language and try as I may I can never become totally human nor do I want to be ! I mean who wants to be always fighting about who is better !

Thank God dogs have only one language , the WOOF ; there are some YAPS but those are usually spoken by those who are not as urbane as the others. The ARFS are for the underprivileged AND unsophisticated.

So from now onwards I will be communicating with my fans in the WOOF language and the erudite Professor Ollie from Jungle land will be translating my words of wisdom in plain English to those who do not understand the WOOF language .

Erudite owl from Jungle land .

Though I do encourage all my readers ( fans ) to learn this very divine language . There are no words to describe it. Just like there are no words to describe the incredible personalities of dogs except that there must be a reason why dog spelt backwards spells ? ? ……………. WOOF …. you got it !

So get with the programme folks. Try to develop dog like traits and there will be no more ‘human’ problems !

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Running with the hounds

All right then, just a few days ago I discussed the problem with diets and dog food in relation to dog divas like moi. Very, very irksome indeed, diets and dog foods !

Related to this issue is the one about exercise . I know it is fashionable to run and jog and jump. I have many, many of these type of hound friends who do not mind jumping through the hoops, mindlessly chasing balls and frisbees .

But , really, not for me .

It’s not that I have anything against exercise , to each his own I say , but it’s not all right for a dog diva to get hot and sweaty . An occasional sprint , ( see photo ) to keep my assistants happy and because I do look spectacular with my golden ears flying in the air , is fine but tirelessly running and running and getting all hot and bothered under the collar …. shudder !!

I mean, if the purpose of all this exercise is just to get the blood coursing through ones veins then what about the more sophisticated and pleasurable route of full body massage ( see photo again )

Sigh … one of my assistants can have a career in dog massage. If you look closely she is such an expert that she can rub my head skilfully even whilst she looks away !
Oh yes, brisk dog massages is the route for me and other dog divas. And we will not take No for an answer.

 


Of course, in return , because , in life, there are no free lunches ( or in this case massages ) I do have to suffer multiple PDA’s ( Public Display of Affection , just in case you are not so acronym savvy ) in the way of expressions of adorations such as kisses, hugs, squeezes but I can live with it . Personally , I prefer sniffs, licks and general dog play ( horses call it horse play ) but humans will do what they have to do ! See photos.

Yup, it’s a dog divas’ life !

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Do dog divas diet ?

Hi !

It’s been a long time folks that Bella, moi, the dog diva has been in touch but , like all divas , Bella , again moi, has been busy with diva like activities ; see photo , tee hee ! Yes, lounging and cuddling that’s what we divas do best .

And , in my case , I am always cuddled up with some human or the other and really, it’s difficult to say no to certain humans who are obsessed with moi. I guess it’s my cuddly figure ( though the dog doctor , known by some as a vet because he is a veteran in dog problems , has put me on a diet ! )

Ah ! The diet … it’s so vexing ! No more edges of bread and tidbits . I do get to munch on apples or a juicy cantaloupe. And there are my chicken treats ! But, this whole diet business, I really am not in favor of it ! Why can’t dog divas eat human food, that is the question . If you have a solid reason , let me know . Diets and dog food –  It’s just not my thing !

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Doodle , the funny dog !